#Personal Reflection

[heartofmuse]

It is a rare type of person who can make you lose your mind, expand it, and center it all at once.

e.v.e.

[thoughtsthatgounnoticed]

Swept up in Expectations

As an anxious and curious person, I couldn’t help but check every now and then to see what the vibe was for P2 before watching it myself. After all the excitement during the wait between P1 and 2, nothing could have prepared me for the whiplash I felt reading disappointed and equally ecstatic posts from reactions to Eps 5 to 8.

Now that I’ve seen the episodes myself I’m trying to make sense of how I felt so I’m putting the figurative pen to paper and hope anyone as confused as I am can ruminate with me.

To put simply - I think we were all swept up in the excitement of Nic and Luke’s press tour (a whole other can of worms for some) and the many spoilers, speculations, and info from cast interviews during the wait between P1 and 2 that appeared to have been Polin positive. This energy then ballooned our expectations. I personally forgot that although Bridgerton is endearing and fun, it’s ultimately not a BBC or HBO production (I love Bridgerton but it’s no Pulitzer Prize winner in writing). So I think we expected more and are crashing from our collective highs.

Then there’s Polin and Penelope. As someone who didn’t personally enjoy S1 and 2 stories, S3 was going to be one I could truly enjoy and romanticize, and experience that Bridgerton brainrot everyone keeps taking about. Admittedly, it took me listening to some discourse and a second watch to truly appreciate P1. I’ve come away with so much love for Polin and their unfolding love story as well as Pen’s journey. The friends to lovers trope is beautiful, sweet, endearing, romantic, with a lot of history between two people. It had me singing along at the top of my lungs to Taylor Swift in the car even though it’s not my usual type of music. I was swooned and romanced.

But Part 2 was…. rough…. (Ramblings below)

At least after episode 5. It felt like I wasn’t watching the same season. I knew the weight of LW was going to put Penelope through the wringer before we can ultimately move on in peace. I expected the angst, it didn’t bother me, even if it meant seeing the worst of Colin’s anger temporarily.

I think what bothers me is the wasted potential of Polin’s season brought on by unnecessary side plots that could have given more time to Colin, Penelope and Eloise’s complex relationship and individual feelings. It was a season that absolutely needed to flesh out these characters alongside LW’s plot. Instead we got lengthy scenes of side characters with no payoff or stories that could have waited to be told next season. Polin felt like side characters in their own stories, their scenes so cruelly cut between other people’s dramas - I was swooning one second to wondering why we’ve jumped to sideplot A and B, then back to swooning over Polin again (their wedding dance for example 😭).

Then there’s the question of intimacy and how we would have loved to see more - probably brought on by a rumored missing montage. Instead after all the pain, the culmination of intimacy between Polin was the 5 second scene towards the end that looked like one of Anthony or Ben’s random brothel end-of-episode montage scenes in S1. I didn’t need plenty of intimacy scenes, I just wanted there to be growth in their intimacy evolving beyond what they had in Ep 5 and after all that drama.

Part 2 should have focused on how Colin, Penelope and Eloise came to terms with the LW revelation and the aching healing process it took to overcome that because the love they have for one another was stronger. I found myself thinking how in hell they could resolve all of this and it became progressively clear that the resolution was going to feel underwhelming and rushed. Especially, when the last episode alone had another wedding, Colin and Penelope still not communicating, and like 4-5 scenes of Ben and his mistress and their lover. We sat there in complete shock at how we kept going back to those scenes when the season had bigger fish to fry.

Although the show attempted to delve into Colin’s journey post revelation, the process of overcoming his sadness/jealousy was not fleshed out satisfactorily. I’m not saying it isn’t there (the very quick scenes of him looking through Penelope’s letters, listening to her speech at the end, his speech to Cressida, interactions with Kanthony/Eloise etc) but it lacked…something. Maybe it needed just a beat longer, a few more words, a bit more time. I don’t need it to drag, I just needed more within the depth of the scenes. Funnily, some of the side plot scenes lasted longer, which was so evil. Colin deserved a concise arc like Penelope’s. I hope Luke Newton’s back wasn’t hurting from carrying all the weight of Colin’s journey through his delivery and face acting because the writers were not giving him much to work with.

And so, the ending of the season felt odd. On one hand I was happy Polin got their happy ending and in theory their progression made sense, but on the other I felt like the show did a disservice by not taking us carefully and deliberately on that progression journey we wonderfully started in S1 and 2. I will always have ep 1-5 to look back on fondly and I was teary eyed when Colin delivered his ep 8 love speech to Pen. It felt like a glimpse of what we could’ve had and what they did have in P1. However, there’s this feeling of anti-climax that is so palpable given how impactful the press tour was. Am I still walking away from this season loving Polin and enjoying the scenes we did get of them? YES. Am I satisfied with it? NO.

This is 70% an emotional rant that may subside once the excitement dies down. I have thoroughly enjoyed everyone’s input and analysis and may have just been swept up in expectations.

[tavyliasin]

Villain-Fucker Angst Hours

Good timezone, darlings~ Are you ready to get all up in your feelings? No? Me neither, loves, but here we are regardless so the words are going to flow as they usually do... This is focused on Raphael from Baldur's Gate 3 and his fandom, but the latter section can easily apply to any villain fandom.

Self-Analysis of Devil-Fuckery, Or Why Do I Adore Raphael When He Is Very Obviously Evil: A Short Essay by TavyliaSin (Who Still Cannot Name Anything With Less Than A Full Paragraph) ((NSFW)) (((Game Spoilers)))

The following may discuss heavier topics, but without specifics, so whilst it should be safe for most to read without triggering any difficult memories please be aware of Raphael's entire vibes, the content and context of his story, and I'd also like to mention that this isn't a "woe be us for we are terrible people" piece, it's actually more about:

"There is an inherent kindness and warmth to much of the Raphael fandom, and I think there could be some common threads behind that, pulling us all in closer in a comforting blanket that we wrap around each other to keep out the cold of the world."

So, what in the nine hells am I on about? Well. Raphael-fandom is a wild and wonderful place to be. The rest is in sections, so feel free to skip through to what you feel is relevant to your interests. I am so prone to waffle I should open a restaurant~

Who Are Fans Of Raphael? What Do They Want?

We are feral, unhinged, all sheets to the wind "I want that devil man, carnally, and there is no force in all the planes that could stop me". There's the vanilla to the extreme and every level in between, tops, bottoms, versatiles, Doms, subs, and switches - there are a whole lot of people who would love to get their hands on either (or both) of Raphael's forms, for a simple smooch or something far more spicy~ [edited in] To add on to this, not all of us even desire him in a sexual way, for many it is romantic, soft, or even just the rather pleasant thought of spending an evening with drinks by the hellfire because he would be fascinating company. Aces, Aros, and AroAces may all find themselves well within the devilish corners of fandom too~ which is a whole other essay~ [end edit] So, I see you. I'm one of you. Extremely loud and utterly hingeless in my fan appreciation for Raphael. He's one of my favourites to write about, I seek art of him, and the same goes for his mirrored other half, Haarlep, who I arguably love more despite there being far less content of them in the game.

And the Fandom? The Vibe?

From my experience in the Raphael Fandom areas, we have a very deep and abiding understanding of consent, respect, and treating each other with an absolute and uncompromising kindness. We've had talks about keeping each other safe in fandom, exchanged details of people we have encountered who need to be avoided, even shared details between moderators of different fandom servers to pre-ban people proven to be creeps and/or art thieves. We've also discussed consent, including the issues with it in the game, and how areas of the story can only really be considered dubious at best and could easily be triggering for people. And these discussions have been open, honest, fair, and with the acknowledgement that most of us love these scenes anyway. So there's a sense of care that runs through everything, behind the horny-posting and fan content, behind the endless thirsting after our favourite fictional characters. We have a depth of kindness that warms my sinners soul every time I see it.

What Does This Have To Do With Self-Reflection, Raphael, or Villainy In General?

Well let's look at Raphael. He's a villain, obviously. He's manipulative, devious, and inherently evil by his very nature. He keeps Hope chained in his basement, constantly subjected to endless torture. There's also mention of how Gortash was sold into his service at a young age, clearly not an enjoyable experience given the other details and how things turn out (particularly as Raphael would need Gortash's own plans to fail entirely in order for him to succeed in his own and get that crown). And as fans, we accept that. We don't sit making excuses, or trying to say "well actually Gortash is a little shit and Hope probably deserve it", and we don't shy away from or conveniently ignore those darker sides of him with malicious intent to enable more evil to flourish. What I noticed, when I allowed the thoughts to continue, is that there is a theme here.

If Evil Can Be Loved Then So Can I

That's the core. Of course, darlings, I am not claiming to be a heinous monster. I certainly do not have a laundry list of crimes that would make the devil himself say "Uh, that's a bit much." But I sure as fuck treat myself like I do sometimes. You see, I think a lot of us have that tendency, to judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else. Our patience, understanding, and forgiveness for others runs deeper than the Mariana Trench, but when it comes to our own flaws? One minor mistake and we think ourselves to be the worst beings ever to disgrace the earth. Thus, the villainy we see reflects how we are treating ourselves. So by loving and accepting all of those things that should be terrible, hated, we are actually learning that no matter how poorly we think of ourselves that we can be worthy of that same love and acceptance. We are extending the affection we are unable to show ourselves to someone we see the worst parts of ourselves amplified within. And that's why villains attract the people with the most kindness. The most forgiveness. Because it takes someone with a truly huge amount of empathy to find love for the embodiment of evil.

Or, IDK, maybe villains are just hot and we're too far down to care.

But wait, before you go!

THERE'S SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT.

All of this is about FICTION. We should never be accepting of the kinds of evil we see in the game irl. We do not owe anyone kindness if they do not show it to us.

What is hot in fiction is not always OK IRL.

Look after yourselves out there, remember that consent is key in all things, and please do try to learn to love yourselves, darlings, you are worthy of it and you should judge yourself by the same standard you judge others. If you are in doubt, if you are worried, if you feel afraid - reach out, talk to someone. There are many who will listen.

Treat yourself as you would treat a friend. You deserve that much.

Oh, and all Raphael fans who understand kindness are welcome around me, any hour of the day, I adore our little fandom circles and would gladly collect all of us together. I'm following a lot of you as soon as I find you, like hunting shiny pokemon~

See you in Avernus, my darling Little Mice, may we all find joy in the Cambion's Embrace~

[queenie435]

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

Browse Anonymously and Securely

[inkandache]

Marks on the Skin

In the stillness of the night, a trace is drawn, Subtle cuts on a marked skin. The blade glides, a thread of relief, But the echo of pain runs deeper than the steel.

Each line, a scream unheard, A hidden lament, a contained cry. The surface bleeds, yet the heart still laments, For an understanding that doesn’t arrive, that doesn’t extinguish.

It’s not the steel that saves, but the pain that disguises, Each scar a story that entangles. It’s a silent dialogue with a world that doesn’t grasp, Where hope is a shadow that slowly slips away.

In the mirror, the reflection reveals not the truth, But an enigma of solitude and vulnerability. Each wound is a step deeper into darkness, A map of suffering that finds no resolution.

[chameleonv]

I initially understood critical thinking as a methodical framework involving deep analysis and logical reasoning to reach sound interpretations and judgments. I believe it is an essential skill, not just for solving problems but also for navigating everyday life. For instance, in conversations, listening attentively and analysing what others are saying can deepen communication and positively impact relationships.

However, after class, my understanding broadened. I realised that critical thinking is much more dynamic. A key takeaway for me was recognising that it’s not just a solitary practice; it's also about engaging with others’ ideas. Listening to how others explain their thought process can reveal valuable insights that I might not have considered on my own. After all, no one has a monopoly on good ideas. The collaborative aspect of critical thinking stimulates new ways of thinking and makes the process richer. It also helps prevent distorted or biased views of a situation, which was an important realisation for me.

We also learned about mindfulness, which I once thought unnecessary. However, after incorporating daily reading into my routine - which I realised is a form of mindfulness - I noticed significant improvements in my ability to focus and analyse. I began to pick up on nuances I used to overlook, and my thinking became more organised. Mindfulness encourages you to be present in the moment, aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgement. This heightened awareness is crucial and serves as the foundation for effective critical thinking.

A notable experience in class was the group discussion where we were tasked with critically analysing and developing solutions to improve the classroom. Since we were still finding our way with each other, it was intimidating to voice our opinions - at least for me. I felt a mix of nervousness and excitement sharing my thoughts and ideas, but I was grateful that everyone was open to each other’s perspectives. It was intriguing to listen to my classmates’ viewpoints as it offers insight into the various ways they think. This made the discussion both fun and engaging, as we not only contributed our ideas but also learned from each other.

(353 words)

References:

Kallet, Michael. Think Smarter: Critical Thinking to Improve Problem-Solving and Decision-Making Skills. John Wiley & Sons, 2014, p. 9.

[eananoor]

[heartofmuse]

Love is a choice made every day, a choice made by heart, and mind. Most people think love is a commitment to another, but it is a commitment to yourself first because you acknowledge a truth that lies deep within you, because love is born of your being and then poured outward. 

e.v.e.

[peterscarrot]

I knew I was fucked when I had this fleeting moment of hope, brushing away tears and thinking "it's okay I'll make it up for myself." Then I realized, "oh, but I cannot simply just redo my childhood and include my absent father in it."

[dreaming-hibi]

I actually do feel bad every time I go up to my friend to complain about how bad I’m doing in writing. I know she has my back, but it still feels shitty unloading all that stuff on her.

She doesn’t deserve that kind of negativity.

I should get better at picking myself up.

[openstorygames]

The Existential Act of Character Creation

One of the strange and wonderful things about TTRPGs is getting to embody a character. To be at once like yourself and unlike yourself, familiar and strange. To find yourself where you didn't imagine you were.

There are questions that we answer for our characters that we're afraid to ask of ourselves. Questions about who we are at our core, about what matters most, about identity and community and more.

I love those questions. I love discovering myself across the artificial distance of a character. I love discovering new things about my friends.

But lately I've been thinking about those big questions, the ones we answer for our characters but hesitate to commit to for ourselves.

Who am I, really? Who is important to me, and why? Where am I going, and is that where I want to go? What motivates me to change? What prevents me from changing?

These are hard questions, but good ones. They're questions we answer with our actions before we can even put words to them.

But with characters, it's the reverse. We have to answer these questions before we know how to act. So we dig in, consider them, and come to answers that inform our characters' actions.

So... what's the most important question you like to answer for your characters? Have you answered it for yourself?

[queenie435]

[writrsblockd]

Duality

I am a two headed snake. One side positive, one side negative. My happiness can sometimes shake, And my depression can sometimes be imperative.

I am the ying and yang. One side dark, one side light. My lightness shines like the saliva on a fang, With my darkness deepening like a scorned knight.

I am Jekyll and Hyde. I mean well, and I mean to hurt. My actions are my own and with that I take pride, But my love can be gritty, and as rough as the dirt. I am as broken as any other girl. I am as fixed as any other man. And yet do I have the feeling that I need to hurl When I open up and show that I deep down am as boring as a fan?

[disco-lemonade-digital]

as is my usual way, once i'd started thinking about what i wanted to do for my Spoon Theory class (see my last post), i soon had more ideas than i knew what to do with. in fact, i'd originally wanted to lead a group about bullet journaling - something that personally kept me sane during my time in rehab - but i went so overboard during the planning stages, that i switched to Spoon Theory out of sheer self-preservation lmao.

but even then, i had to simplify the material i wanted to cover, and things inevitably got cut. a pair of those, were these planner/reflection pages.

the idea was that after explaining what Spoon Theory is, i'd then show ways that we could use it in our day-to-day lives; a daily scheduler and reflection log, i thought, would be a good way to visualize just that. and even though i didn't get to create and share them during that group, the idea has stuck with me ever since.

so i decided to hand-draw and -letter these for myself and others, in the hopes they could be of use to even more people than i would have been able to reach during my lil rehab stint 💌

-

if you would like to own the set for personal use, follow this link right here. and for usage with clients/students, please purchase from this link instead.

thanks in advance to anyone who ends up buying, i truly hope these resources can be of use to you in some way!

[businessmemes]

Personal reflection time is sacred, but Jeremy really needs to clear some time for the pre-pre-pre meeting meeting. Meeting.